Everyone knows the movie Roxanne (but if you don’t, walk away from the computer and go watch it right now).  Steve Martin is in his prime, Daryl Hannah is also on a roll (between this, Splash, and Steel Magnolias I could kiss her) and of course the story is the modernisation of Edmond Rostands, Cyrano De Bergerac, which is only a good thing.  It’s a romantic comedy that essentially centers around one BIG nose joke, and even though making fun of people can be cruel, the moral of the story is (of course) it’s what’s inside that counts – but let’s be honest, without edge and cruelty, nice on the inside isn’t funny.  Right?  Right!  Well, in the movie there is a great scene where Steve Martin list’s off 25 nose insults, they are one lines and they are brilliant (Paranoid is my favorite – Keep that guy away from my cocaine!).

Not appropriate for pick up lines, but certainly appropriate coming out of Steve Martin’s big nosed mouth

1. Obvious: Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face.
2. Meteorological: Everybody take cover. She’s going to blow.
3. Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like … Wyoming.
4. Personal: Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
5. Punctual: Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late.
6. Envious: Oooo, I wish I were you. Gosh. To be able to smell your own ear.
7. Naughty: Pardon me, Sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn’t mind putting that thing away.
8. Philosophical: You know. It’s not the size of a nose that’s important. It’s what’s in it that matters.
9. Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and it’s goodbye Seattle.
10. Commercial: Hi, I’m Earl Schibe and I can paint that nose for $39.95.
11. Polite: Ah. Would you mind not bobbing your head. The orchestra keeps changing tempo.
12. Melodic: Everybody! “He’s got the whole world in his nose.”
13. Sympathetic: Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
14. Complimentary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on.
15. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides.
16. Obscure: Oh, I’d hate to see the grindstone.
17. Inquiry: When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
18. French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave.
19. Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once.
20. Religious: The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn’t He.
21. Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair.
22. Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
23. Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee … in Brazil.
24. Appreciative: Oooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped.
25. Dirty: Your name wouldn’t be Dick, would it?